Dealing with Criticism... Or Not

So, what do you say when someone doesn’t like what you’ve done? Pretend for a minute that you were working on a project and you did nothing wrong (technically it’s all correct), but when you submitted whatever it was, the person you’re working with just didn’t like what you gave them. It wasn’t their style. 

Today’s blog is going to be short… but I want to talk about criticism. How do you get past it? How do you deal with it? 
No, seriously… I want to know how normal people react to criticism. Because I’m DEFINITELY not normal. I mean, I’m an enneagram 9 and I AVOID CONFLICT like the plague! (I actually misspelled “plague” and wrote “plaque”... which I try to avoid too, FYI). 

Want to know what I would do in situations like the one above? I curl up into my little shell and put that job aside. I internalize the WHOLE THING and second-guess everything that I’m about as an artist… as a business owner… as a mother… as a person… and I completely shut down. I want to eat ALL.THE.THINGS, curl up under a blanket on the sofa and binge the Crown. And not get up. And order pizza and eat salt-and-vinegar chips. Instead of trying to figure out what went wrong. Instead of working on revisions. Instead of realizing that the client doesn’t really hate what I did and I’m not really a CRAP artist - they just had a different vision for the project.  

I know this isn’t a very healthy outlook, but it’s who I am. When I was in design school we had to critique each other as part of our grade. I always HATED that part - giving constructive criticism. #1: I always felt SO BAD criticizing someone else's work. That being said - I NEVER just told someone I didn’t like something they did. I always tried to tie it back to something they could change technically or I’d gush about something I DID like and then sneak in the criticism like an afterthought. Again - enneagram 9 raising my hand here. #2: I think I disliked receiving criticism more than I hated giving it. It’s always been hard for me to separate someone’s critique from their feelings about me as a person. Just because someone thought my proportions were off in a figure drawing class doesn’t mean they think I’m stupid or don’t want to be around me. I know that’s a bit extreme, but I’m just being honest here. 

And it turns out that my youngest daughter is just like me! She’s at a really competitive high school and they have to critique each other occasionally. Her strategy is to NOT be the first to enter a critique. That way she can determine what level of criticism to submit… For example: if others have been overly critical, hers will be much less critical and she will offer gentle suggestions for improvement. If others have been minimally critical, she’ll come in with something similarly minimal. 

So I’m coming to you today for suggestions. Things I can do to improve my internal critique. Ways I can get past these criticisms and understand that it’s not personal (at least I hope it’s not personal). 

In the meantime, I’ll be curled up on the sofa with my blanket watching tv… and probably eating pizza.